Larry Bird

Monday, October 15, 2007

Pictures of politicians with funny captions.

Sunday, January 7, 2007

Larry Bird

This one time Larry Bird was driving home, and these kids down the street from him had a lemonade stand. Now everyone knows Larry Bird loves lemonade more than his own mother, so the guy hits the brakes and pulls a high speed 180 right up to the lemonade stand.

Larry Bird got out to get his lemonade and the kid told him it was a dollar for a little dixie cup of it.

Now this really set Larry off. He had been around long enough to know this was a complete freakin' ripoff, and he wasn't about to get soaked by some little kid.

But some little kid was about to get soaked by Larry Bird.

He grabbed the pitcher of lemonade and dumped it over the kid's head. The kid started crying and ran into his house.

Larry very nonchalantly attached a chain from the back of his pickup to the kid's lemonade stand and dragged it slowly to his own driveway.

Thursday, December 21, 2006

Happy Birthday Larry Bird

On Larry Bird's 23rd birthday, he and his parents took a drive out into the country to buy some ice cream.

They found this nice little ice cream stand by the side of a small country road and stopped to buy a few cones.

Larry's parents each had an ice cream sundae. Larry ordered the same because they looked so good, and then he thanked his parents for such a lovely birthday.

Larry Bird

Larry Bird was plagued with injuries toward the end of his career, and his agent and wife were concerned.

They suggested that he go see a doctor who specializes in natural remedies for sports injuries.

But man, was that the wrong thing to say. Larry flipped the table right over, sending a whole mess of dishes and breakfast food flying all over this restaurant, and he said, "I'm not a homeopath!"

He took off running toward the front door with his hand out, smacking the back of every diner's head along the path to the door.

The manager and the hostess just looked at each other and shook their heads, cause Larry did that every time he came in there.

Larry Bird

Larry Bird's first contract in the NBA earned him over 650,000 dollars.

And do you know what the first thing he did with that money was? He bought one of them damned "Bedazzler" guns that puts all kinds of shiny jewels on your clothing.

He came out of his bedroom five hours later with an old bed sheet draped over his body that glittered with pink gems from head to toe.

By the next morning, his wife's entire wardrobe consisted of radiant pink bedazzled suits.

He went over the line, though, when he started running around the house screaming "SNEAK ATTACK" and tagging his wife and family with that bedazzler, cause that thing really hurts.

Larry Bird

One time in an elevator, this kid hit the wrong button so they had to stop at an extra floor on the way up.

Larry Bird was about two seconds away from uppercutting the kid, so when the kid asked for an autograph, Larry said okay and wrote "your life" in cursive on an old receipt.

Just when the kid had read it, Larry grabbed the receipt back, crouched to the floor and leapt straight up, smashing his head through the ceiling of the elevator.

The kid took off in tears and Larry just sat there moaning.

Larry Bird

This one time Larry Bird showed up to his younger sister's wedding wearing a pair of safety goggles with a cucumber between the goggles and his eyes.

Needless to say, the crowd looked on in fear and amazement as Larry groped and stumbled his way to the head table.

He asked the groom to guess what his favorite kind of vegetable was.

Before the groom had a chance to answer, Larry took the cucumber and clocked him over the head with it, splattering cucumber guts everywhere.

"Guess again" he said as he ran for the door.

No one saw or heard from him again until two weeks later, when he was found at a McDonalds in San Francisco.

Larry Bird

Some postmen have dogs to worry about. And some postmen have Larry Bird to worry about.

It is a running joke in Larry's hometown that he loved to play "pranks" on the local mailmen. He'd sit for hours waiting for the mail carrier to come walking down his street. And as soon as the mailman was at the door with the mail, Larry would smash out the window above his head with a basketball.

Now, you might think the mailmen would get used to it, and expect it to happen, since Larry did it consistently, numerous time a week. But no, it was just as disturbing and frightening every time that glass came raining down, boy.

Larry always got a huge kick out of this, and he always took good care of those mail carriers every Christmas with a tasty 25 dollar gift certificate to Larry Bird's basketball website.

Larry Bird

One time, this kid in a diner dropped his spoon on the floor. Needless to say, Larry Bird was eating a few booths down from this kid, and he was annoyed as all hell.

So Larry casually paid his check and waited in the bushes outside the diner. No sooner had that kid walked out the front door, he caught a chest pass from hell right in the face courtesy of Hall of Famer Larry Bird.

Larry Bird

An interesting but unknown fact about Larry Bird is that when he was about 18, he hired his little brother, who was in a band at the time, to come to his b-ball games with a guitar and an amplifier. Whenever Larry went up to dunk it, his lil brother wailed so hard on that guitar that the whole place went wild.

But one time, when he went up for a dunk and his brother wailed on that guitar, Larry fell short and didn't even touch the rim or anything, and he was so embarrassed he vowed then and there never to play basketball again.

Larry Bird

So I didn't know if Larry Bird had really gotten a basketball for his Christmas present once when he was real young, and his brother and him dribbled it so much that they wore it out that day.

But it was true, I just saw it on a TV program.

The next day, Larry made his gym coach look like a clown when he went up and dunked on his ass so bad, it was unorthodoxed. That was the first time Larry made a grown man cry, but certainly not the last.

Monday, November 27, 2006

Welcome to Larry Bird Lives.

Check back soon for my basketball trivia and memoribilia!

This is satire. Fiction. Not true. I made it all up. Larry Bird is a good man. God forgive me.